Harry Potter Should Have Died in ‘The Half-Blood Prince’

We love the Harry Potter movies. But, if we’re being honest, Harry had plenty of chances to bite the dust as he encountered evil wizards, strange creatures, and perilous journeys throughout the series. Instead of giving in to the whimsy of this fantasy series, we’re taking stock of all the times Harry could (and should) have died.

Check out all the ways that Harry could have perished in:

• The Sorcerer’s Stone
• The Chamber of Secrets
• The Prisoner of Azkaban
• The Goblet of Fire
• The Order of the Phoenix

Harry Potter is an idiot. He’s exhibited this in all the movies before this, but he truly shows a new brand of stupidity in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009). He just isn’t that bright a kid.

Of course, the Boy Who Lived must remain alive for the series to continue, but he sure got lucky doing it. In The Half-Blood Prince alone, he could’ve died 46 times. At this point, McGonagall should have taken over and told Harry to sit this one out since he can’t seem to stay out of life-threatening trouble.

Harry Potter and the Boy Who Died of Being Really Awkward

• Just to start, I feel like Harry is always struggling to breathe. I think he has untreated asthma.
• Harry is already dead inside. Screw the Half-Blood Prince, Harry needs therapy.
• What’s with all the freak storms? Do wizards control the weather? Harry is going to die after getting struck by lightning at this rate.
• The Death Eaters storm (no pun intended) London and kill Harry.
• The cute waitress thinks Harry is a wanted criminal and poisons his coffee. Although, honestly, Harry could have just died from awkwardness alone.
• Harry crosses the tracks at the train station without looking and is crushed by an oncoming train.
• Harry gets Splinched while Apparating with Dumbledore.
• Dumbledore takes Harry to a bad neighborhood where he is mugged and murdered.
• The Weasleys think Harry is an intruder and kill him.
• Who allowed Harry to light something on fire in the house? That’s dangerous, Harry. You’re going to burn down the house.

Harry Potter and the Nosy Boy Who Was Obsessed with Eavesdropping on Everyone

• Snape makes an Unbreakable Vow to protect Draco, which means he must kill Harry since the Boy Who Lived is so fixated on Draco.
• One of Fred and George’s inventions kills Harry.
• Harry walks into an abandoned building in Diagon Alley. The universe kills him for being a dumb horror movie protagonist.
• Some thugs in Knockturn Alley kill Harry and his friends.
• While eavesdropping on Draco, Harry falls off the roof to his death — a fitting punishment. Stop eavesdropping, Harry!
• Draco is fed up with Harry’s antics and kills him instead of just giving him a bloody nose.
• No one ever finds Harry and he dies on the train.
• I wouldn’t trust Luna Lovegood to do any sort of spell on me. She would probably kill Harry.
• The crushing throng of students tramples Harry.

Harry Potter and the Year Harry Suddenly Became Really Interested in Reading Textbooks

• Ron beats Harry to death with a textbook. You know, just boy things!
• Harry inhales too much potion in class and gets deadly high.
• Harry screws up his potion and the fumes kill everyone in class. To be honest, even if he made the correct potion, it could’ve killed someone. It’s such a deadly topic to be teaching to a bunch of teenagers.
• The Quidditch team make a pact to kill Harry for the captain spot.
• Hermione is really worried about Harry’s textbook from the Half-Blood Prince. She kills him to get it for herself.
• Harry doesn’t listen to Hagrid’s warning to not touch the cursed necklace and dies.
• Harry is a budding alcoholic and dies from over-consumption of Butterbeer.
• Apparently, Harry is too cool for warm coats. He freezes to death. I bet the Half-Blood Prince would have worn a coat, Harry.
• Harry and Ron’s roommates smother Ron and Harry to death for never shutting up. Also, for talking about girls’ skin like serial killers.

Harry Potter and the Year Harry Tried Drugs and Liked Them

• Harry is knocked off his broom by a Bludger and dies.
• Hermione uses her evil charmed birds to kill Harry for being a stupid boy.
• Harry becomes twitterpated with Ginny and forgets to look where he’s going. He falls down the stairs to his death.
• Death Eaters burn down the Weasley home (see what happens when you play with fire, Harry?).
• Bellatrix murders Harry.
• Greyback the Werewolf murders Harry.
• Professor Slughorn murders Harry because he knows too much.
• That Liquid Luck is really powerful stuff and Harry just downed it. He dies from an overdose.
• Harry drinks the poison originally meant for Dumbledore and dies because Slughorn freezes and does nothing.

Harry Potter and the Spooky Scary Skeletons that Try to Kill Harry

• Draco kills Harry in the bathroom. Harry deserves it for using a brand-new spell that was supposedly “For enemies only.” The Half-Blood Prince is shaking his head in disappointment.
• Snape kills Harry for knowing too much.
• Dumbledore kills Harry because he knows he is a Horcrux.
• Harry drowns in the turbulent ocean.
• Harry slips on the crystal island and cracks his noggin open.
• Dumbledore murders Harry in a crazed rage.
• The scary underwater skeleton people kill Harry.
• Harry falls down the mountain to Hagrid’s hut. (It’s so steep!)
• Harry falls off the observatory tower.

The True Hero of this Film is…

Dumbledore. Of course, he is the hero in every film, but he really stepped up to the plate in The Half-Blood Prince. First of all, he can do magic with no wand, which seems like an essential skill for Harry to learn. Secondly, he saves Harry numerous times and even sacrifices himself for Harry. Finally, Dumbledore just knows a lot more than Harry. Harry is really stupid.

However, I will admit that Harry showed himself to have some use in this movie. Using a bezoar to counteract the poison on Ron was pretty smart. Pretending to give Ron Liquid Luck and then not giving him any is a pretty ingenious use of the placebo effect.

Still, Harry is a teenager who is ruled by his raging hormones. And he only knows like two spells. And he likes to test out spells that say “For enemies only” on people who are crying in the bathroom. He’s just not too bright sometimes.

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