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Author

Chris van Dijk

Chris van Dijk

A thirty-something writer currently living in Poland. One day he dreams about writing, directing, and starring in his own movie. In order to stop it from becoming a snoozefest, he's planning to fill the screen with excessive nudity and gore. And chainsaw duels. Why not? Chris loves high-art cinema and pure unadulterated schlock. He can talk just as much about the brilliance of Ingmar Bergman's Wild Strawberries as he can about Miami Connection. When he's not writing for MovieBabble, he's working on his own stories. These stories star a host of dysfunctional characters that in no way resemble his own fractured psyche. He hopes everyone will be good to each other. He rightly believes dogs are superior to humans, and that all dogs will go to heaven.

  • Streaming HorrorStreaming Reviews

    ‘Halloween Kills’: More of the Night He Came Home…

    by Chris van Dijk October 20, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk October 20, 2021

    To state the obvious, we never needed a sequel to the 1978 original Halloween. The essence of Michael Myers’ frightening presence, the murderous void that guides him and makes him known as The Shape, had …

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  • Action/AdventureReviews

    James Bond Drives a Fancy Car and Shoots People in ‘No Time to Die’

    by Chris van Dijk October 12, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk October 12, 2021

    Here it is. After so many delays, James Bond has finally returned to the big screen. This was going to be Daniel Craig’s swan song for the character, the man who once famously said he …

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  • Streaming DramaStreaming Reviews

    ‘The Many Saints of Newark’: Remember the Little Moments

    by Chris van Dijk October 5, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk October 5, 2021

    Due to the pandemic, a lot of people have ventured into the streaming abyss, picking up on shows they’ve never finished or starting shows that have been on their radar for quite some time. One …

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  • ComedyReviews

    A Ghostly Judy Greer Haunts Melanie Lynskey in ‘Lady of the Manor’

    by Chris van Dijk September 30, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk September 30, 2021

    Two and a Half Men is an abominable sitcom and I’m ashamed to admit that in my younger, and far more vulnerable years, I did watch an episode or two. If there was one good …

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  • ComedyDramaReviews

    ‘Best Sellers’: Finding Literary Truth in the Modern World

    by Chris van Dijk September 22, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk September 22, 2021

    Can the literary art form still survive in this hyperactive, Twitter-operating, modern age? Bookworms venturing through desolated libraries and soon-to-be bankrupt bookstores may find themselves out of time, yearning for a time where a 400-page …

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  • Streaming DramaStreaming Reviews

    ‘Cry Macho’: Age Is Not a Deterrent

    by Chris van Dijk September 20, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk September 20, 2021

    The production background of Cry Macho spans nearly five decades. The screenplay had been kicking around in the early seventies. After numerous studio rejections, screenwriter N. Richard Nash revamped the script into novel form. The …

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  • ReviewsThriller

    ‘The Gateway’: Shea Whigham and Bruce Dern Make This Lowly Neo-Noir Thriller Worth Your Time

    by Chris van Dijk September 18, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk September 18, 2021

    I’ll be honest, I only watched this film to see the underutilized Shea Whigham in a lead role. I’ve been a big fan of him ever since his supporting turn in the glorious HBO crime …

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  • Streaming HorrorStreaming Reviews

    A Bump on the Head Goes a Long Way in James Wan’s ‘Malignant’

    by Chris van Dijk September 12, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk September 12, 2021

    Horror cinema has frequently been misunderstood and dismissed by haughty cineastes. From the multitude of slasher clones and their countless cheaply made sequels, the genre has always been an easy mark for pretentious snobbery. If …

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  • ComedyDramaReviews

    ‘Small Engine Repair’: Male Comradery Taken to Amusingly Dark Extremes

    by Chris van Dijk September 10, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk September 10, 2021

    A common complaint regarding movies based on plays is that they feel like exactly that: a play made into a movie. Detractors often cite the transition from stage to screen as being too noticeable, remarking …

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  • ReviewsThriller

    ‘Karen’ Is a Cinematic Assault on the Intellect

    by Chris van Dijk September 7, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk September 7, 2021

    The slang term ‘Karen’ represents the racist, entitled white women of suburbia. A creature from the lagoon of (usually) far-right misinformation. Stereotypically, you can see a ‘Karen’ donning a bob cut with blonde highlights. As …

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  • HorrorReviews

    ‘The Night House’: Another Winner for Female-Driven Horror Movies

    by Chris van Dijk August 25, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk August 25, 2021

    The Night House opens with Beth (Rebecca Hall) returning home after her husband’s funeral. She lives inside a luxurious lake house, itself designed by her late husband Owen (Evan Jonigkeit). Owen’s death was self-inflicted. It …

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  • Streaming Action/AdventureStreaming Reviews

    ‘Gunpowder Milkshake’ Is Only for the Most Forgiving Action Movie Aficionados

    by Chris van Dijk July 18, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk July 18, 2021

    Stop me if you’ve seen this one before: a highly-skilled assassin working for a shadowy organization gets betrayed by their employers and is hunted down; said assassin, though merciless if need be, becomes emotionally attached …

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  • ComedyReviews

    Robert De Niro Tries to Kill Tommy Lee Jones in the Mild Hollywood Satire, ‘The Comeback Trail’

    by Chris van Dijk July 2, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk July 2, 2021

    When it comes to the Hollywood satire, the gold standard will forever be Billy Wilder’s Sunset Boulevard, followed by Robert Altman’s The Player. Other underappreciated jewels to this genre are The Coen Brothers’ Barton Fink, …

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  • HorrorReviews

    ‘In the Earth’ Is a Ben Wheatley Film in the Best Way Possible

    by Chris van Dijk April 17, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk April 17, 2021

    Ben Wheatley seems like one of the few directors who seems to be doing whatever he wants. From the occult thriller, Kill List; to an estranged couple who rekindle their spark through serial killing in …

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  • ComedyReviews

    ‘Coming 2 America’ Takes a Trip Down Memory Lane

    by Chris van Dijk March 7, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk March 7, 2021

    1988’s Coming to America is possibly the last ‘classic’ Eddie Murphy film. After that, most of his films either missed the mark critically or commercially, oftentimes both. Personally, I do think some of his later …

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  • Top 10 Lists

    Top 10 Annoyingly Misleading Trailers

    by Chris van Dijk February 24, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk February 24, 2021

    I’ll be honest, I’m not a big fan of top ten lists. It’s the ideal format for nonsensical clickbait articles. But this topic had been on my mind for quite a while. Like many moviegoers, …

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  • Retrospectives

    The Lost World of Valkenvania: Celebrating Dan Aykroyd’s ‘Nothing but Trouble’

    by Chris van Dijk February 23, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk February 23, 2021

    The 15th of February marked the 30th anniversary of Nothing but Trouble, which to date, is Dan Aykroyd’s only directorial feature. Hailed as both a critical and commercial flop at the time, I do have …

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  • HorrorReviews

    Nicolas Cage Plays Pinball and Kicks Ass in ‘Willy’s Wonderland’

    by Chris van Dijk February 19, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk February 19, 2021

    Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for another Nicolas Cage vehicle. What’s it going to be this time? Is it going to be some forgettable VOD schlock like A Score to Settle? Or is he actually …

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  • DramaReviews

    Lance Henriksen Rages Against the Dying of the Light in Viggo Mortensen’s ‘Falling’

    by Chris van Dijk February 14, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk February 14, 2021

    Recently, we lost the great character actor Hall Holbrook, at the comfortable age of 95. Soon after, we lost the legendary Christopher Plummer, who managed to reach the age of 91 — not too shabby …

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  • HorrorReviews

    ‘Saint Maud’: Rose Glass’ Venerated Debut Is Worth the Hype

    by Chris van Dijk February 8, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk February 8, 2021

    Religious beliefs — or idolatry of any symbols whether it be godlike or commercial — have been essential to our species. Look beyond the philosophical aspect and toward the fantastical elements of certain beliefs that …

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  • ComedyReviews

    ‘Psycho Goreman’ Is a Hilarious Cinematic Treasure That Is Destined to Become a Cult Classic

    by Chris van Dijk January 26, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk January 26, 2021

    Sometime in 2020, I saw a trailer for a movie in which two kids had control of a galactic monster. It looked deliciously bonkers. There was extensive gore, people’s heads were torn off through their spines; …

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  • DramaReviews

    ‘The Last Shift’ Is an Earnest Depiction of Working Class Americana

    by Chris van Dijk January 18, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk January 18, 2021

    The false promise that is the American Dream has been dissected over and over, by countless writers and filmmakers alike. Even so, as the illusionary powers of the American Dream evolve over time and the …

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  • ReviewsThriller

    A Family of Trappers Encounter a Vicious Predator in the Unforgettable ‘Hunter Hunter’

    by Chris van Dijk December 30, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk December 30, 2020

    This much-belated review could have been finished last week, considering the film came out on the 18th. But I’ll be honest, considering that Christmas was coming, I didn’t want to spend my time writing about …

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  • DramaReviews

    ‘Elyse’ Is an Admirable Debut Even if It Fails Miserably…

    by Chris van Dijk December 16, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk December 16, 2020

    Sir Anthony Hopkins is a legend. The majesty of his onscreen presence is undeniable. With his voice and deep eyes, he automatically commands intellectual respect; unsurprisingly, he hasn’t been, or at least not to my …

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  • DramaReviews

    Some Things Will Never Change with ‘The Godfather Coda: The Death of Michael Corleone’

    by Chris van Dijk December 13, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk December 13, 2020

    First things first: don’t expect me to say anything original about the third entry of The Godfather franchise. Far greater minds than myself have reiterated its numerous flaws, especially how it pales in comparison to …

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  • HorrorReviews

    Bret Easton Ellis and Crispin Glover Team Up for the Painfully Dull ‘Smiley Face Killers’

    by Chris van Dijk December 12, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk December 12, 2020

    Bret Easton Ellis was just twenty-one years old when he published his first novel: Less Than Zero. Success followed, and with the publication of the highly controversial third novel, American Psycho, came fame. As an …

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  • HorrorReviews

    Grief-Stricken Grandparents Venture into Satanism in ‘Anything for Jackson’

    by Chris van Dijk December 8, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk December 8, 2020

    The horror genre is a good starting point for an aspiring filmmaker. From a financial standpoint, you will likely attract more investors if your low-budget film happens to be a horror film. Most of them …

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  • Action/AdventureReviews

    Mel Gibson Is a Gun-Toting Santa Claus in ‘Fatman’

    by Chris van Dijk November 16, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk November 16, 2020

    Fatman is an R-rated action movie starring Mel Gibson as Santa Claus… I can already feel many people shaking their heads. But, if you’re more like me, you might think this has the potential to …

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  • ReviewsWestern

    ‘The Pale Door’ Is an Interesting Low-Budget Blend of Horror and Western

    by Chris van Dijk October 20, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk October 20, 2020

    Admittedly, the sole reason I was interested in watching The Pale Door was that Joe R. Lansdale’s name was on the poster. If you’ve never heard of him, stop reading and check out some of …

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  • HorrorReviews

    ‘Tales from the Hood 3’ Fails to Live Up to the Identity of the Franchise

    by Chris van Dijk October 13, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk October 13, 2020

    The original Tales from the Hood from 1995 was an enjoyable mixture of horror schlock and social commentary, emulating the spirit of the classic HBO TV series, Tales from the Crypt, with its whimsical attitude …

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