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Author

Chris van Dijk

Chris van Dijk

A thirty-something writer currently living in Poland. One day he dreams about writing, directing, and starring in his own movie. In order to stop it from becoming a snoozefest, he's planning to fill the screen with excessive nudity and gore. And chainsaw duels. Why not? Chris loves high-art cinema and pure unadulterated schlock. He can talk just as much about the brilliance of Ingmar Bergman's Wild Strawberries as he can about Miami Connection. When he's not writing for MovieBabble, he's working on his own stories. These stories star a host of dysfunctional characters that in no way resemble his own fractured psyche. He hopes everyone will be good to each other. He rightly believes dogs are superior to humans, and that all dogs will go to heaven.

  • Top 10 Lists

    Top 10 Annoyingly Misleading Trailers

    by Chris van Dijk February 24, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk February 24, 2021

    I’ll be honest, I’m not a big fan of top ten lists. It’s the ideal format for nonsensical clickbait articles. But this topic had been on my mind for quite a while. Like many moviegoers,…

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  • Retrospectives

    The Lost World of Valkenvania: Celebrating Dan Aykroyd’s ‘Nothing but Trouble’

    by Chris van Dijk February 23, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk February 23, 2021

    The 15th of February marked the 30th anniversary of Nothing but Trouble, which to date, is Dan Aykroyd’s only directorial feature. Hailed as both a critical and commercial flop at the time, I do have…

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  • HorrorReviews

    Nicolas Cage Plays Pinball and Kicks Ass in ‘Willy’s Wonderland’

    by Chris van Dijk February 19, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk February 19, 2021

    Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for another Nicolas Cage vehicle. What’s it going to be this time? Is it going to be some forgettable VOD schlock like A Score to Settle? Or is he actually…

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  • DramaReviews

    Lance Henriksen Rages Against the Dying of the Light in Viggo Mortensen’s ‘Falling’

    by Chris van Dijk February 14, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk February 14, 2021

    Recently, we lost the great character actor Hall Holbrook, at the comfortable age of 95. Soon after, we lost the legendary Christopher Plummer, who managed to reach the age of 91 — not too shabby…

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  • HorrorReviews

    ‘Saint Maud’: Rose Glass’ Venerated Debut Is Worth the Hype

    by Chris van Dijk February 8, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk February 8, 2021

    Religious beliefs — or idolatry of any symbols whether it be godlike or commercial — have been essential to our species. Look beyond the philosophical aspect and toward the fantastical elements of certain beliefs that…

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  • ComedyReviews

    ‘Psycho Goreman’ Is a Hilarious Cinematic Treasure That Is Destined to Become a Cult Classic

    by Chris van Dijk January 26, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk January 26, 2021

    Sometime in 2020, I saw a trailer for a movie in which two kids had control of a galactic monster. It looked deliciously bonkers. There was extensive gore, people’s heads were torn off through their spines;…

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  • DramaReviews

    ‘The Last Shift’ Is an Earnest Depiction of Working Class Americana

    by Chris van Dijk January 18, 2021
    by Chris van Dijk January 18, 2021

    The false promise that is the American Dream has been dissected over and over, by countless writers and filmmakers alike. Even so, as the illusionary powers of the American Dream evolve over time and the…

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  • ReviewsThriller

    A Family of Trappers Encounter a Vicious Predator in the Unforgettable ‘Hunter Hunter’

    by Chris van Dijk December 30, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk December 30, 2020

    This much-belated review could have been finished last week, considering the film came out on the 18th. But I’ll be honest, considering that Christmas was coming, I didn’t want to spend my time writing about…

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  • DramaReviews

    ‘Elyse’ Is an Admirable Debut Even if It Fails Miserably…

    by Chris van Dijk December 16, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk December 16, 2020

    Sir Anthony Hopkins is a legend. The majesty of his onscreen presence is undeniable. With his voice and deep eyes, he automatically commands intellectual respect; unsurprisingly, he hasn’t been, or at least not to my…

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  • DramaReviews

    Some Things Will Never Change with ‘The Godfather Coda: The Death of Michael Corleone’

    by Chris van Dijk December 13, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk December 13, 2020

    First things first: don’t expect me to say anything original about the third entry of The Godfather franchise. Far greater minds than myself have reiterated its numerous flaws, especially how it pales in comparison to…

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  • HorrorReviews

    Bret Easton Ellis and Crispin Glover Team Up for the Painfully Dull ‘Smiley Face Killers’

    by Chris van Dijk December 12, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk December 12, 2020

    Bret Easton Ellis was just twenty-one years old when he published his first novel: Less Than Zero. Success followed, and with the publication of the highly controversial third novel, American Psycho, came fame. As an…

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  • HorrorReviews

    Grief-Stricken Grandparents Venture into Satanism in ‘Anything for Jackson’

    by Chris van Dijk December 8, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk December 8, 2020

    The horror genre is a good starting point for an aspiring filmmaker. From a financial standpoint, you will likely attract more investors if your low-budget film happens to be a horror film. Most of them…

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  • Action/AdventureReviews

    Mel Gibson Is a Gun-Toting Santa Claus in ‘Fatman’

    by Chris van Dijk November 16, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk November 16, 2020

    Fatman is an R-rated action movie starring Mel Gibson as Santa Claus… I can already feel many people shaking their heads. But, if you’re more like me, you might think this has the potential to…

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  • ReviewsWestern

    ‘The Pale Door’ Is an Interesting Low-Budget Blend of Horror and Western

    by Chris van Dijk October 20, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk October 20, 2020

    Admittedly, the sole reason I was interested in watching The Pale Door was that Joe R. Lansdale’s name was on the poster. If you’ve never heard of him, stop reading and check out some of…

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  • HorrorReviews

    ‘Tales from the Hood 3’ Fails to Live Up to the Identity of the Franchise

    by Chris van Dijk October 13, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk October 13, 2020

    The original Tales from the Hood from 1995 was an enjoyable mixture of horror schlock and social commentary, emulating the spirit of the classic HBO TV series, Tales from the Crypt, with its whimsical attitude…

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  • ReviewsScience Fiction

    Brandon Cronenberg Makes His Daddy Proud with ‘Possessor’

    by Chris van Dijk October 7, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk October 7, 2020

    “Cronenbergian” pertains to the twisted works of filmmaker David Cronenberg, specifically his graphic depictions of bodily mutations. A film scholar might take offense at this simplification, referencing his common themes of sexuality, the morphing of…

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  • HorrorReviews

    ‘Death of Me’ Is a Waste of Time for the Audience, But a Nice Paid Vacation for the Cast and Crew

    by Chris van Dijk October 6, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk October 6, 2020

    It’s not easy being a horror buff in 2020. By now, a lot of intriguing horror films should have already come out: from Spiral, the new Saw movie starring Chris Rock and Samuel L. Jackson;…

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  • ComedyReviews

    ‘Bill and Ted Face the Music’ is Proof the World Isn’t Such a Bad Place After All!

    by Chris van Dijk September 1, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk September 1, 2020

    The world has changed a lot since the characters of Bill and Ted first hit the big screen. Bill and Ted, if you don’t know, are two loveable Californian simpletons who were prophesied to one…

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  • ReviewsThriller

    Russell Crowe is on a Murderous Rampage in the Highly Entertaining ‘Unhinged’

    by Chris van Dijk August 26, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk August 26, 2020

    If you’re as obsessed with true crime stories as I am, you know the frightening concept of regular people suddenly turning homicidal. In some cases, we could have seen it coming. A past riddled with…

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  • ReviewsThriller

    ‘The Big Ugly’ is a Surprisingly Gentle, Character-driven Thriller Starring Vinnie Jones

    by Chris van Dijk August 2, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk August 2, 2020

    A mob enforcer with a troubled conscience, a crime boss who wants to go legit, and an oilman with a fatalistic code of honor. These are the three main players of Scott Wiper’s The Big…

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  • DramaReviews

    ‘Mope’ is Schadenfreudian Fun…Until It Isn’t

    by Chris van Dijk June 30, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk June 30, 2020

    The American dream has destroyed a lot of people. Sometimes one person’s dream comes at the expense of others. Other times, a dream required too many sacrifices, leading to spiritual decay or a short lifespan.…

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  • DramaReviews

    Tom Hardy Chews the Scenery (and a Carrot) in Josh Trank’s ‘Capone’

    by Chris van Dijk May 18, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk May 18, 2020

    As a filmmaker, Josh Trank is less famous for his body of work than for his public persona. It all started with the modestly budgeted, Chronicle. Told via a found-footage narrative, it entailed the story…

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  • Streaming HorrorStreaming Reviews

    ‘Get In’ is a Vicious Descent into Inevitable Violence

    by Chris van Dijk May 14, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk May 14, 2020

    Get In opens with a black man being manhandled by the police on his own front porch. A freakishly prescient scene, as there’s never a shortage of news concerning police brutality against minorities. For many,…

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  • DramaReviews

    ‘Driveways’ is One of the Best Films of the Year and a Wonderful Farewell to the Late Great Brian Dennehy

    by Chris van Dijk May 7, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk May 7, 2020

    On April 15th, 2020, we lost the great Brian Dennehy. It goes without saying that, as an actor, he left behind a great legacy. As with many people, the first time I noticed him was…

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  • ComedyReviews

    ‘Bad Trip’ is Exactly as Advertised: a Stupid, Good Time

    by Chris van Dijk May 6, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk May 6, 2020

    Days before the release of Bad Trip, I had discovered the wonderful stupidity of The Eric André Show. It’s a baffling show, not just hilarious, but sometimes eerily surreal. It’s not a show that wants you…

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  • ReviewsThriller

    ‘Arkansas’ is a Wonderful Slice of Hangout Noir

    by Chris van Dijk May 4, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk May 4, 2020

    Clark Duke has made a sizeable living being the dependable comic relief. He was the one who traveled to the fictional eighties alongside John Cusack in Hot Tub Time Machine; he was the nerdy sidekick…

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  • Streaming ComedyStreaming Reviews

    ‘Coffee & Kareem’ Will Quietly Fade Off into Buddy Cop Movie Obscurity

    by Chris van Dijk April 11, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk April 11, 2020

    The buddy cop genre came to prominence in the eighties. We all know the clichés: two guys with opposite character traits, butting heads, and learning to respect each through a hail of gunfire. The genre…

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  • ReviewsThriller

    ‘The Hunt’ is a Decent Watch, but Not Much to Think About

    by Chris van Dijk April 1, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk April 1, 2020

    On paper, The Hunt didn’t seem to offer anything new. The initial premise calls back to the 1924’s short story, The Most Dangerous Game, which has been adapted numerous times — most notably, of course,…

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  • Action/AdventureReviews

    ‘VFW’ Honors Both Veterans and Genre Lovers

    by Chris van Dijk March 14, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk March 14, 2020

    It might sound ridiculous to some, but so be it: VFW was one of my most anticipated films of the year. It started with the premise: a siege-style thriller with a group of aging veterans…

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  • DramaReviews

    ‘Saint Frances’ is the Kind of Film We Need Right Now

    by Chris van Dijk March 6, 2020
    by Chris van Dijk March 6, 2020

    We don’t need to see eye to eye, we just have to remain respectful. This virtue is understood by most children, but it seems lost in American political discourse. It’s disheartening seeing people cheer for…

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